I feel like such a failure...?

He wanted to live his dream through you. Made you do something you did not have the pion for like he did. He pressured you and you didn't want to disappoint him. It's sad. And I think he has every bit to do with it. You need to get some therapy, some friends, and find a new hobby. Try writing poetry, blogging, scrapbooking....anything. I wish you the best of luck! :)